The Tale Story From FredFozol

How u describe this situation feeling, loving someone so much and u are prepare to give up everything on earth to that person as in love return? I call this in french, pour que tu m’aimes.

I

when looking back at a couples month ago, i did something i never thought i would do today. running for 10km.This was a big deal for me, a person who spent years hating ruing running. someone who talked to himself into believing into something else. but today here i stand as a new person who trying to climb back from deep hole.

i was suprise when i received email alert thru my blackberry state that someone is comment my blog. never cross in my mind it was my sister in law. asking a simple question that soon will lead  into something that i never thought to share with anyone else especially my family. i am so sorry for my silent. its remain there.

I was surprise. The manager I used to hate as he see me his threat in organization come to me during my breakfast. He invite me for london vacation. Wtf!!! Yes its a big surprise and totally the answer from is big no! There few reason. It was a place that me and my ex wish to go. So I’m not ready yet. The next reason, where the hell I could get a sponsor for this vacation?! Obviously I’m saving a lots money now but its for my round the world trip or silk road trip. Not for this unexpected trip. The next reason, it just 5 days hell of trip! Wtf!!! I’m gonna spend warming my ass on plane for 2 days return journey already. Wtf!!! Hahahaha

Back to reality, I just accomplished few of my 101 resolution. Watching 101 movies and collecting 101 DVD. Soon I’m gonna drive from perlis to johor. Also there’s few others resolution also. Despite all of this, I already make a donation that I am sure I can’t accomplished it anymore, in example, making 12resolution with say kee. Its bit funny when I can’t complete it last time but nvm. So I already make a donation on it.

I’m bit sleepy but there still lots in my mind to talk and write about. Save it later. Need a beauty sleep now. Bye! See u soon!

lately ni ramai pulak kawan2 dari sekolah lama SAAS add aku kat facebook. tersenyum jer aku. nak nak bila ada sowang ni mcm bunyi nak ngorat2 aku jer balik.. ke aku ni perasan jer. hahaha tetiba bila melihat merenung ke belakang kembali, gelak pun ada sedih pun ada. tapi itu lah kehidupan.. kadang2 kita perlu berhenti seketika dan melihat ke belakang kita. melihat apa yang telah jauh kita tinggalkan.

sudah beberapa hari aku pulang dari bangkok. kelas pun dah mula. penat mmg penat. tapi good for me. latihan before aku menyambung master aku di masa depan kelak. walaupun mengenangkan kelas yang terpaksa aku lalui ni agak menyiksa kan namun di hujung kelak, sijil yang bakal di beri akan membantu aku dalam membina kerjaya aku lagi. penat pula bila aku fikirkan akan perihal kerjaya ini… masih tidak pasti. dan terus tersekat di sini.

aku berhenti lagi. merenung ke belakang. tak jauh mana. sejauh 2 bulan yang lepas. sedih sangat. aku berhenti merenung belakang ni pun bila aku melihat dua sahabat aku, ryna and lan. ryna sudah mencecah usia 25. usia di mana sesetengah kaum mengatakan usia yang malang untuk bercinta. seperti aku, gagal di dalam bercinta ketika usia aku mencecah 25. benar kah sebegitu. tak banyak yang dapat aku bantu ryna and azlan. sekadar terus membantu sebegitu sahaja. namun semalam aku berasa lega sebaik sahaja selesai jogging dan melangkah ke Dome aku melihat mereka duduk kembali bersama. mungkin satu perubahan. aku terus tarik nafas sedalam lega yang mampu dan melemparkan senyuman aku pada mereka.

penat aku untuk berhenti dan merenung ke belakang kembali. sedih.  banyak jalan perit dan liku aku lalui… biarkan lah ianya terus di belakang dan jauh aku tinggalkan…

Hi,

Hello from bangkok.

i hope u are fine and happy. i feel i want to wrote something for you. dah lama i tak tulis something for you. dah lama i tak sms u. dah lama i tak kacau u. dah lama i tak dengar suara u. ohhh ya dah lama i tak bagi nice kad pada u. i harap u still simpan kad kad yang i bagi kat u.

actually i selalu ingat kat you and nak tulis something kat u. tapi i selalu buang jauh jauh perasaan tue. i tak mahu kacau u. i tak berani. takda kekuatan. penakut jyga i ni rupanya… hahaha i selalu simpan jer apa yang i nak tulis and bagi tahu kat u. itu sebab kali ni jer i cuba tulis kat blog ni. i harap akan sampai kat u and u baca juga. i harap jer. kalau tak, takpa. i dah jadi mcm diri i yg lama kot. simpan and malas nak fikir dan mengharap on anything and in anything. hahahah lawak pulak rasanya…

life i kelam kabut sket 2-3 minggu ni. kat bangkok ka,KL ka sama saja. tenten masuk hospital. operate. i tak sempat visit dia lagi. tapi i spend time ngn dia ahad lepas. so fare fare lah jugak. keero pun ada. we talk a lot and have fun. yes we talk about you. how nice u are and how we miss you so much…hahaha i tak tipu tau.

besoknya isnin lepas lepak ngn tenten, i balik KL kejap. nak celebrate birthday ryna. mcm biasa, i buat keje gila. amik flight petang sampai kl balik rumah mandi mandi terus pi TGI Friday (kita tak pernah makan kat sini sama2 kan…i pernah buat wish list makan kat sini dengan u. tapi tak kesampaian…takpa lah, kalau ada rezeki, panjang umur kita mungkin kita bole pergi sama2…) she is so surprise when she saw my coming! oh not just her, semua lah. semua kata i drama. teringat kat u… u pun selalu label i drama. erm i ni mmg kuat drama rupanya. drama yang baik and buruk….tapi selalu drama buruk i bagi kat u. sorry ya… i tak maksud nak buat camtu.i selalu biarkan emosi i kuasai segalany. eh apa plak i melalut ni… i nak cerita pasal life kat u..bolepulak masuk kisah tak penting.

i tak tahu ryna suka ke tak ngn surprise tue. tapi i rase dia suka and terharu. tak habes habes dia bbm i lepas makan malam. sampai i tidur lambat lah jugak. dah lah nak kejar flight awal pagi. tapi takper. she deserve. oh btw, ryna dah pakai black berry skang. hehehe…dia pun dah pakai tudung. cantik!.

so pagi2 i dah bangun berkejar ke airport untuk amik flight pagi then bole terus masuk opis takpa ponteng kerja. u selalu nasihatkan i, work is important and i should build up my career. betul kata orang,bila sesuatu tue takda dengan diri kita, baru kita akan rasai kehilangan-nya dan menghargai ia. i selalu teringat nasihat u and now i realize,semuanya betul.thank you u. i puas hati dapat happy kan ryna walaupun agak penat. balance! work and friends. u pun selalu nasihatkan pasal ryna kat i kan… yes i do appreciate her so much. beside u, she is one the best gift i ever have in this world. thank you for both of you.

sampai airport, pergi parking kereta. kene cas THB 300. mahal jugak i kata dalam hati. sambil maki “cilakak tue..” i still terikut nada dan gaya u menyumpah seranah. funny and cute. so i drive kereta terus pi meeting. tak mandi! hahaha

life is busy at bangkok. busy but lonely. the launching day yg schedule on february tue delay and finally will do this friday. petang lepas kerja i jogging pastu pi foot massage. hari ni pun sama. tapi lepas rutin biasa i, i masuk opis. buat kerja sket. giler kelakar i rase. tak pernah umur i kerja camni. hahaha.. then balik apartment pi gym. now dah mengantuk. i layan cerita ugly betty, survivor,csi, alar u tahu lah kan cerita faveret i ni… lepas habes tengok movie. i teringat kat u.

selalu lah teringat kat u. rindu tue mmg ada. tapi i simpan jauh dalam dalam dalammmm sedalamnya kat hati i. memang rase sedih. tapi nak buat camner kan. i kene jadi tabah dan terima suratan takdir kita camni. orang kata, jika kita perlu lepaskan orang yang kita sayang itu untuk membahagia kan dia, kita kene lepaskan dengan sepenuh rela hati. so i pun buat lah camtu skang ni… kat sini lah i curahkan segala rasa sedih hati i…ok lah i dah penat mencurah rasa hati i.i nak tidur. sudah jam 3 pagi kat sini. nak kene bangun awal pagi besok. boss boss dari kl sampai.

ok lah i harap u kat sana sentiasa happy dan sihat. jaga diri u elok2 tau. i kat sini sentiasa ingat pada u.takpa kalau u tak ingat kat i. i dah bole biasakan diri i dah… hehehe ok bye bye take care…

p/s: i still teringat kat u bila i ternampak bulan…

balik ke bangkok. dah few days. nothing much at here. police is everywhere. askar pun begitu. apartment sebelah aku penuh dengan polis n askar. swimming pool pun sama. gym pun sama. boring bila sesak2 ni. so aku pun pi jogging mcm biasa. kat sunluam park rama 9. dah 4 hari tak lari. aku dah rase lari adalah diri aku skearang ni. asyik nak lari jer. bila lari aku bole lupa semua masalah aku, kisah sedih aku, segalanya lah… lega rase bila lari.

kenangan banyak kat sini…

fikir2 balik ingat dah tak datang lagi ke bangkok. rupanya rezeki aku dah tersurat kat sini barangkali. vietnam mcm best. russia pun banyk kertas kerja aku yg buat. so aku harap mcm ke sana jer. vietnam at least aku bole practise bahasa french aku semula. walau tak meluas mana but still ramai jugak orang bole cakap french. russia aku nak pi sebab aku layak selepas aku bertungkus lumus buat bnyk kerja. cuaca russia aku suka. sejuk dingin. rase tenang. ntah lah company aku ni. aku pun tak faham…

buat biasa jer lah…

minggu depan besday ryna. 2 tahun dah tak celebrate besday ryna. 6 tahun dah kenal dia. yg aku ingat first time aku celebrate masa minggu induksi. kami jadi fasilitator. idea aku tuk prank kan bebudak junior ngn fasilitator yg besdaynya jatuh bulan april. so ryna terkene sekali. seronok. 2nd year aku ingat ada celebrate kot. aku bagi tongue kat dia kot… lan bagi sin chan. tahun ke 3. aku di dublin. tahun 4 aku takder gambaran jelas. tahun 5 aku di bangkok dan tahun ke 6 ni aku di bangkok. ryna ryna ryna… kadang2 tue jalan kita tak sehaluan and kita selalu gaduh or sentap or terasa hati with each others. but at the end we get back together kan…

lantaklah…

banyak lagi rase nak tulis but malas sangat. nanti aku tulis lagi… ok bye bye

If the word ‘No’ was removed from the English language, Ian Paisley would be speechless. so do i.

i dont know why out of sudden when i found back my 4g thumb drive and inject it at my mini latop (think to get new latop or pc soon) and the window pop up i saw few microsft word application. chat conversation. i trap myself between to open it or leave it. i closed the windows. wise decision i think. but then i open it back and start click at one of the files. i felt.. i dont know how to describe my feelings… im speechless… speechless feelings…

i found few photo of me and someone. oh i miss that one so much. but i knew, i couldnt do anything for this time being. a punishment for me maybe… when u read this u know who u are,

i wish u all the best,

i wish u in best stage of health,

i wish u are in happiness…always,

i wish u getting better and better with everything u do,

work, friends, travel, everything…

and i wish u are always safe,

i wish u all the best wishes i have in this world….

so i closed the files and wipe out my tears. smile. smile and keep smiling. maybe i did 10 times smiling. deep breath. and smiling back. i told myself, “be strong”

i spend a great sunday night on last week with an old + single + party friends.  then we do breakfast on sunday at 10am. yeah seem like a normal sunday for me. but they came with a great idea when one of the girl are browsing CLEO magazine. so her bf pop up with a question sound like this “hey. do u think i can be the cleo 50 most eligible bachelor’? the we start focus on the list. we found out most of the is under 30′s so since this guy are now 31 we think it’s too late for him to join this business product strategy plan competition.

he looks disappointed. but suddenly he came out with a good idea. “how old is ur age fred?” me”26 this years” that guy, ‘so let say we could transform you in 2 years from now would u dare enough to join this product competition?” “what the heck!!!! me?? ohh please i never have any intention on this kind of programme lah” see, u will turn 28 2 years from now and its a good and perfect time! just make ur self like a selling product and we gonna do this and that start from now. our mission is just to put you on the pages. then its up to u lah, wanna keep doing or stop” “yerlah fred something intresthing to do at least in this 2 years coming” the girl.

so i agree with them. but we dont know what are waiting for us in future. and i am sure there will be a lots of major thing to do on me just to put my whole  pict on the spread pages…

while at the evening i spend time with a single young friends for hi-tea and they pop up a question for me “can u gie me an idea, what is the best way to have cheap and romantic date in kl?” erm.. i got the answer… but have to wait on my next post! hehehe bye bye

i saw a house warming noticed will be held today. i felt sad. i dont know why, i have a lots of the photo bout the house before renovation, during renovation and not when it complete. suddenly a song “i never told you” by colbie callait pop up from the my current radio station, red fm. i didnt listen on mix fm anymore since it remind me about you so much. i try ran away from everything about you.just after the song finished the commercial advertisement appear “98.5fm at taiping, listen to red fm”

should i cry?i have done doing that. i move on. i put so much money on my counseling session and i dont want to waste it anymore. yes i still do miss a lots bout you. its a good memory and i will keep it closed and tightly with me. good thing never fade from me….

somehow someone i know well for almost 5 years come and stand infront of me. i know the intention but im so sorry so much i cant put myself to the process again. i didnt believe in love anymore. i must learn to know myself first, loved myself and care about me. im done with the relationship i have. let it be the last one. im happy to have you as my last one. its not a positive thing to do but as long as im happy and the memory wont fade away, im fine. i still can smile. big smile.

its look weird when i went to movie and watched it alone. i watched its complicated alone then date night alone. but im happy when look at the pair of couples holding hand each other, smile and show their love to the world. i wish them best of luck and “happily ever after”

im sorry i didnt do any updates at here. the only reason is just to take few step back and find my own space for myself. yes i found it finally and im happy. i promise, i try my best, next time when i wrote something here its would be something fun or something else then my sadness. i hope so. till then, love yourself first! hugs and kisses